Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Deconstructed, and Reconstituted

I am feeling very metaphorical today, so you have been warned.

Yesterday I spent a good amount of time ripping out a sweater that I made shortly before I left the States. (For those curious it is Cascade 220 Superwash) Ripping out a sweater is a lot of hard work (especially if you weave in ends as thoroughly as I do). But the price of wool is going up, I still do not have a job, I love this color, and the sweater I knit with this yarn was the worst I have ever made. It came out so horrible, I believe that there are no pictures to document it. I only wore it out of the house once, and I think that I was only brave enough to do that, because I knew that I would be leaving the country soon! I could not even stand to wear the sweater around the house, because it fit THAT badly. It was huge, the yoke was stiff (made my broad shoulders broader), and it just had to go.

So I deconstructed it, and I am going to reconstitute the yarn into a new sweater. I only have a vague idea of the amount of yarn I have, and I have no idea what kind of sweater I will make with it, but it will have a new life.

Odd as it might seem this series of pictures really represent my personal mindset right now. I have left my culture, my lifestyle, the place where I can name almost anything behind, and I feel a little raw around the edges right now. I feel tense and cooped up.

 I need to do something, because the more time I spend this country with this language, the more shy I become. I am not usually a shy person, and besides it should be the other way around. I should have been so timid it hurt when I came here, and now I should be relaxing into my new home with my expanded knowledge of my new language and culture.

 I really thought that it was going to get easier, especially as I am now fast approaching the 6 month anniversary of moving here. I am an official resident of Spain now. I can go forth and communicate in my new language without the urge to hug a dictionary to my chest. I will be spending the first Christmas ever with my in-laws, a family that accepts me far better than my own.
Why can't I relax, and let the kinks out?

1 comment:

  1. What a lovely heart-felt post. Oh, I really send you some big hugs . Hey, that yarn is cool. You could even overdye sections of it in say, a darker rust red or another color, just o break it up? So nice that your new family loves you so much. You do seem very lovable. :) The new sweater will be a lovely symbol of taking down the old and rebuilding in the new !